I hate your face
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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