You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
