Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
