Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
