its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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