i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
