so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
