he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
