If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
