All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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