Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
