so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
