my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize