i barfeds in our rink
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
