what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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