I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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