Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
