Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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