i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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