cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
