I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
