But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
