She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
