if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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