I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
