Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize