only you would photoshop your dick
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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