then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I could make wine with my vomit
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You need Xanax blowdarts
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
