were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize