I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
