Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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