bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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