So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize