Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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