you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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