also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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