I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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