I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize