Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
