thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
