his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you made out with another girl for some wings
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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