I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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