Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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