don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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