I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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