You're my little dorito
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
