haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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