For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
