My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
