'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
