you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i drank out of a bidet.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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