Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
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