Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
