so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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