I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize