i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
