I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
