her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't think brook has ever known best
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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