brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
