Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
