i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
