YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
