I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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