remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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