I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
