He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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