His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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