we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
