i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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