Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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