Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
