I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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