I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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